The Fusion and Express Dances*
by Diana Tyson, NETB handler extraordinaire

For those of you who are familiar with Flyball the following account will seem like a normal procedure. For those of you new to the game...read closely and then go watch a Tournament. You will notice that almost everyone has their own 'doggy dance' be it practical or down right silly. We humans are as susceptible to the laws of learning as our dogs are...The real question is who's teaching who?

Fusion

Fusion is a lovely, friendly Border Collie that lives for Flyball. He and his brother Express know the game by heart and play with all their souls. Anyone lucky enough to have the opportunity to see them play will know what I mean.

The following steps (after step one) will take place in approximately 17 seconds elapsed time. It goes something like this...

  1. Be dragged by the leash to the racing lane, detach leash and hold whining maniac by the collar.
  2. While kneeling, hold the very large border collie by the hips, say, "ready", while teammate Brazen runs, humpity, humptiy, humpity, down to the box...
  3. Say' "seeeeet." while Brazen falls on her butt after hitting the box.
  4. Say, "go" while Fusion looks backwards at his Mom instead of down the racing lane where Brazen has recovered her footing and is now almost to the first jump.
  5. Cross your fingers he will go...when he does, stand and sprint to the start line.
  6. Watch while Fusion slams the box and hopefully turns with the ball in his mouth. Hold the tug out of sight in your right hand. Extend your left hand at waist height toward the returning dog...yell "HOLD" at the top of your lungs...
  7. Turn and sprint away from the dog while switching the tug from your right hand to your left hand. Allow tug to drag on floor as you continue sprinting to the end of the run back area. If you make a mistake here and raise the tug off the floor expect to have the collie come sailing by at shoulder height. He will get that tug no matter where you put it, it's what else he gets in the process that might cause alarm...did you lose your nerve and raise the tug? Perhaps you should read the 'Emergency Room Dance', but that's another story...
  8. Fusion will attack the tug...LET GO (don't forget this part...if you do, you will be dragged by a 50lb Border Collie). Now comes the fun part. Attempt to play tug with a snapping, leaping set of Fusion Teeth without losing any limbs or digits.
  9. Pry tug from dogs jaws. Avoid snapping teeth as Fusion attempts to take tug back.
  10. Repeat.

(Go to Fusion's bio page)


Express

This is almost as much fun as running Fusion...Of course the Express Dance has it's own unique steps...

  1. Place leash on seemingly calm and lovable collie. Don't mention anything about balls or racing ...or even say any words that begin with a 'B'...for this will cause you to be bodily dragged from the crating area to the racing lane when another team member yells "we're in!"
  2. Maneuver scrabbling, scratching, thrashing collie to approximately the 36' mark on the lane. Say, "down". Watch as Express virtually 'splats' onto his chest and chin on the matting. Pay no attention to the fact that his legs and feet are spraddled in four different directions. His legs have not all broken they just look that way.
  3. Watch Brazen run down the lane and fall on her butt.
  4. Watch Fusion and handler perform some of the Fusion Dance. As Fusion goes away, move bucking, thrashing collie into position and say "ready" as Fusion hits the box and his handler yells "Hold" say, "seeeeet".
  5. As Fusion's feet touch ground between box and jump one, let Express go (say, "go" like he needed you to tell him, hah!).
  6. Run up to line (don't run into Fusion or his handler or over Gail who is waiting to release either a cocker or a jack.) Yell, "Express" (if you can remember his name now that you have run 4 or so different dogs that day.)
  7. Sprint to run back area. Turn and find a large border collie jumping into your face growling and barking with a ball in his mouth. Push the collie violently with your hands...beware of teeth...push hard, he likes it!
  8. Take leaping collie by the collar preferably without getting your nose broken or your teeth knocked out. Pry ball from jaws (you can try saying "out" but it won't work.)
  9. Place very spitty ball in bucket. DO NOT THROW BALL...if you do, the collie you now have by the collar will attempt to catch it and it won't be pretty.
  10. Repeat.

(Go to Express's bio page)


* The Fusion and Express dances were part of an NETB email thread in October, 2001. The team found them so funny (and eerily accurate!) that we wanted to share them with all our web site visitors.